![]() ![]() The reason that this category is worth nine points is that you should be able to apply throughout an entire nine-inning ball game. Root Obnxiously Throughout The Game(9 pts) ![]() Take until the player in question flies out to left field to `figure out' his name.Įx.Drop your program while looking up the guy's name, ask someone next to you to look up `this bum named Teixeira' for you.(Your Friend appears, back from taking a bathroom break)įriend: "I'm telling you,, Dayton Moore's a goddamn genius!" You (finished leafing through program): "Huh. (The White Sox fan behind you is seething) It's simple, effectively, and all you need is a program and the ability to be deadpan. Nothing is more obnoxious to an opposing team's than pleading total ignorance to know who some opposing superstar. ![]() Pretend Your Don't Know Any of the Other Team's Players (5 pts) You can safely lower your voice after the request, because the enemy fans will now be hanging on your every word as you explain why Alex Gordon is the best thing since they put a pocket in pitas. ".so anyway GORDON'S THE NEXT HONUS WAGNER - COULD I GET A COKE, THANKS BUDDY - I'm telling you he's going to be great, etc." To do this, simply raise your voice before you actually ask for a Coke.Įx. "Dayton Moore is a goddamn genius!" (for best results, say this while some young Royal is taking BP, or just after Meche strikes out the side)Įxtra credit (1): if you're not sitting near any of those godforsaken Rangers fans, let them hear part of your conversation by interspersing into a request to get something from a vendor. "Meche is overpaid? The is paying just as much or more for Įx 3. "I tell ya, Bill! This is DeJesus's year: he's going to hit thirty home runs and score one-ten,"Įx 2. You can't let the other team's fans - or any of your fellow Royals fans - see any weakness whatsoever. If you're not sitting near them, make sure they hear snatches of your conversation about Gathright's impending breakout year or Mark Teahen's slugging percentage over the last four months while in the line at a concession stand, on the way to your seats, on the way to the concession stands, in bathroom, etc. When you enter the ballpark with your friends/spouse/dog/children, make sure that you have loud discussion about `how good the team is this year,' if you're sitting near enemy (that's right, enemy) fans. Talking Really Loudly During Pre-Game (5 pts): make sure that you never ever ever let anyone wearing a White Sox hat (those bastards) have a moment of peace. I admit I don't know much about the specifics of the stadium, but these methods can be applied effectively to almost anywhere. In the case of the residents of this blog, we're talking about going to the K. When visiting fans are in town, it's important to let them know that you - and by extension, your team - are the boss. Anyone with a little bit of heart and a brain capable of making them yell really loud probably has it in them to be a true OBF. See where you score on each, then carry out the examples if you don't rank as high as you want to. Descriptions of the attribute will sometimes include opportunity for bonus points (unlike the four tests I took last week) and half-credit. How This Scale Works: definitively displaying each OBF attribute is worth a certain amount of points, with the most points possible list in paranthesis. ![]() Remember, it's Spring Training, so it's okay to score low the first time. Peruse the list of attributes needed to be An Obnoxious Baseball Fan, and see what you need to do to bring your score up into passing range. This week's Spreadsheet Baseball column is devoted to getting everyone's irrational fan tendencies in shape. For instance, when the Red Sox went approximately 2-531 over the last two months of the season, it became increasingly harder for me to come up with convincing retorts to obnoxious Yankee fans ("everyone got hurt" was one of my mainstays). It was proven by in imaginary study that I made up in my brain that fans of teams that haven't had much in the way of a winning tradition over the last couple seasons are ill-equipped to fire off a barrage of irrational team propaganda. However, there are fans of 29 other baseball teams out there, and if your team was among those that didn't win at all last year, your fan ego may be dangerously low. Baseball is imminent, the temperature is above fifteen degrees for two days in a row, and this is the time of year where every single fan of every team in the league - sometimes against all rationality - believes his of her favorite team can compete. You see, with the season beginning very soon, and my Royals Review T-Shirt finally arriving, the blood in my veins is heating up. Okay, I'm going to be up front here, and say that in terms of the articles I've done this is far from the most analytical piece ever, but I felt it necessary. ![]()
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